Saturday, May 11, 2013

Do you know Jack Schitt?

Do you know jack schitt?

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!' Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie, Giva, Fulla, Bull, and the twins Deep and Dip.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken. Two of the other six children, Fulla and Giva, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.

Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Imagine that...

Let's walk on the...: moon

Let's look back at the...: day it all happened

What nice...: weather we have

Where did all...: the intelligence go?

Why can't we...: use our brains?

Why...: did i do this?

I feel like....: shit

I hate....: environmentalists, liberals, relgious douche bags like Pat Robertson

Sometimes I...: wish I was the only one alive

But I love....: virtually nothing

Why can't I...: stop gettin in fights?

Why can't we...: go our separate ways

I believe...: we'll all be screwed

Right now....: i'm annoyed

I will...: finish this

I will never...: admit to something I never did

Once...: upon a time...

Faith...: is based on tall tales

Love...: has disintergrated

Hope...: is kaput

Imagine...: life without people

Cheated...: on work in HS (only a few times and didn't get caught! :-) )

I can't help but to....: laugh whenever I see An Inconvenient Truth
When...: in the course of human events...

Never again...: will there be such hypocrites everywhere

I finally ...: have a new cell phone

There is ....: something I'm missing

We will all...: do something we regret

Everyone has....: secrets

Sometimes it is okay to....: "let it out"

I know.....: something you don't know and I'm not telling! Nyah Nyah Nyah!

I shouldn't....: take it seriously

You're....: not me

This survey....: was different