The Jedi order was full of hypocrisies, and the "evil" Sith weren't as evil as thought

Consider the following.

First:

Chancellor Palpatine: Remember back to your early teachings, Anakin. All those who gain power are afraid to lose it. Even the Jedi.

Anakin Skywalker: The Jedi use their power for good.

Chancellor Palpatine: Good is a point of view, Anakin. The Sith and the Jedi are similar in almost every way. Including their quest for greater power.

Anakin Skywalker: The Sith rely on their passion for their strength. They think inward, only about themselves.

Chancellor Palpatine: And the Jedi don't?

Second, consider the (apocryphal) Jedi Code:

There is no emotion, there is peace.

There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.

There is no passion, there is serenity.

There is no chaos, there is harmony.

There is no death, there is the Force.

Superficially, these all seem like reassuring, cautionary notes. But they're insidious because:

- The Jedi encourage their Order to feel nothing -- "no emotion." Feeling, emoting, being affected by what happens to us and others is at the heart of empathy. The Jedi caution against it.

- The Jedi believe they are not ignorant; that they have the knowledge. This isn't a question of promoting the acquisition of knowledge, it's a statement that they already have it. This is the height of hubris and this way lies naught but bigotry and arrogant presumption.

- No passion? No love? No stirring oneself to action while bearing witness to the suffering of others? No convictions? This is laudable?

- No chaos superficially seems good. Keep things stable, predictable... stagnant. Don't question. Don't rock the boat. Keep your head down. Do what you're told. Chaos is change. Change can be for the worse or for the better, but life is change. Without change -- without chaos -- nothing happens at all.

- Death is everywhere. We face it often. Pretending it doesn't exist, turning a blind eye to death and its consequences, is utterly irresponsible.

By contrast, consider the (apocryphal) Sith Code:

Peace is a lie, there is only passion.

Through passion, I gain strength.

Through strength, I gain power.

Through power, I gain victory.

Through victory, my chains are broken.

The Force shall free me.

Peace is a lie, when contrasted with passion. Every single Jedi demonstrates a depth of feeling about something at some point. Consider Obi-Wan's anguished cries after he mutilated Anakin.
Consider the fury in Mace Windu's eyes when he confronted then-Chancellor Palpatine.

Consider the weary defeat in Yoda's retreat from his duel with Darth Sidious.

Peace and conflict are one another's interregnums. They are both temporary, both impermanent. Seeking perpetual peace is a lie.

The next several lines all connect to form a single sentiment: your passions fuel you to overcome the chains that bind you from acting and succeeding in those actions. Confidence emerges from this. Changing the world emerges from this. Achieving one's dreams emerges from this. MLK Jr. was passionate about Civil Rights. His passion gave him the strength to protest the injustices he saw. His courage and conviction and oratory prowess attracted followers and gained him the power to effect change. And, despite his assassination, he helped bring about tremendous positive change -- he achieved victory and broke chains. Nothing in the Jedi code correlates to these actions, these successes.

Much is made of "power" being evil unto itself. "Power corrupts" and "absolute power corrupts absolutely" -- almost everyone has heard these phrases. And power certainly can corrupt. One need only look at the current state of political affairs in the U.S. to see the blatant corruption the powerful financial moguls have wrought. But that requires a narrow definition of "power." Power -- socially, personally -- is the ability to effect change. To disrupt the status quo. To see a wrong and decide to make things better. Without power, nothing happens. Amassing power -- or yoking the collective power of a group -- is the only way to do this. We've seen this throughout history, time and again.

Granting then that power is not innately evil, but merely the means by which change is effected by an individual, you get into discussions of individual good or evil. Is killing someone good or evil? Makes a difference if the killing happens in cold blood or if it's done in defense of another life being threatened by the person you kill, doesn't it? We call the former murder and the latter self-defense. Context is everything. Have there been evil Sith? Certainly. Have there also been evil Jedi?

The peaceful Republic that preceded the Clone Wars had, under the stewardship of the Jedi, achieved unprecedented levels of bureaucracy and corruption to the point where an independent entity could illegally blockade a world and the Republic did nothing to stop it. They sent some Jedi to negotiate. Period. It was a friggin' blockade! Why didn't the Republic fleet, minimal though it may have been at the time, unleash unmitigated fury against such a blatant act? The Jedi were at the very least complicit if not out-right responsible for the Republic reaching this low. Is that not itself evil, even if it's a mild, passive form of it?

Perhaps we should look at Mace Windu and his entourage going to arrest Chancellor Palpatine without the authority of the Senate backing them. The Jedi staged a coup of the legal government of the Republic, entirely because Anakin identified Palpatine as a Sith Lord. How do we view countries where one religious group attacks another for control of the country, regardless of whatever history of conflict those religious groups have?

"But Palpatine orchestrated the Clone Wars! He was behind all that death!" And the Jedi had what proof of that at the time they went to arrest him? None. They had Anakin telling them he thought Palpatine was a Sith Lord. Period. Everything else was speculative. They went to arrest an elected official without evidence and without legal authority to do so on the grounds that he was identified to have a different religion and may have been connected to an ongoing conflict -- over which he had presided on their side to that point!

It goes on and on. And this all centers around one Sith Lord and the question of whether or not he was evil.

There's nothing innate to the Sith that makes them evil. Indeed, the values they hold are all about self-empowerment to bring about change and throw off oppression in all its forms. The Jedi, by contrast, are about stagnancy and suppression of the self.

Which of those sounds more evil to you?

SOURCE

Life, so on and so forth, blah blah blah.

Thanks to Jessicka Hazard for most of these. :-)

1. I'm not fucking stupid. I mean I used to, but then we broke up.
2. Do you ever go on youtube just to watch a music video then 3 hours later you find yourself watching a tutorial on how to talk to a giraffe?
3. Every so often I Google my name hoping someone stole my identity and made something out of myself.
4. Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is you're stupid and make bad decisions.
5. Relationships are like garage sales: from a distance it looks like something interesting but up close it's just a lot of shit you don't need
6. Today I'm living life on the edge, I didn't mean to... Next time I'll check the date on the soy milk before I drink it.
7. Whoever said "Words can't hurt you" has never been hit in the face with a dictionary.
8. Don't worry, kids. Being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff now-a-days.
9. Shout out to bees, willing to kill themselves just to inconvenience a hater.
10. The Katy Perry song that goes, "You're hot and you're cold," was actually about a microwaveable burrito.
11. So far everyone I've met in life has liked me enough to not murder me, feeling pretty good.
12. Apparently Netflix is like meth for people who hate doing things.
13. It's interesting how the ads on Youtube never have trouble buffering.
14. Someone needs to open a low-carb Chinese food restaurant and call it "No More Mr. Rice Guy."
15. Ugh, I need new swear words.
16. Tomorrow is "National Take Your Flask To Work Day." I just made it up. Tell the others.
17. Everyone suffering from diseases and natural disasters: hang in there, we're liking Facebook posts as fast as we can.
18. In my opinion the decline of civilization started when they stopped putting toys in boxes of cereal.
19. I'd like to have a word with you. The word is sex.
20. What this earth needs in order for our species to truly advance is an emoticon that represents the act of dropping the mic.
21. People with one syllable names fucking ruin the happy birthday song.
22. I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.
23. Slept over at a friend's house once in third grade. He poured milk into bowl first, then cereal. Never talked to him again. He's in jail now
24. Little old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs aren't fooling me.... Retired mermaids.
25. From now on don't refer to your foot as "asleep", say you have coma toes.
26. I don't know which is getting more out of control nail art or latte foam art..
27. It's cute that kids think they're safer with the light on, when actually it makes you more vulnerable and easier to spot
28. Everyone listen up. Pay attention because I'm only going to say this once: this.
29. Next time someone asks for your number, write it down in Roman numerals. If they manage to call you, they're a keeper.
30. Technology is outpacing my ability to come up with convincing lies that I didn't get your message.
31. From now on... before I do laundry, I'm throwing out every 5th sock. * shakes fist at sky* CAUSE I LOSE SHIT ON MY OWN TERMS DAMMIT.
32. Is it just me or does the word "retweet" bring up images of Elmer Fudd commanding an army on the defensive?
33. If you haven't said "Luke I am your father," into an oscillating fan, then we can't hang out.
34. Constantly losing socks in the laundry but finding change. So logically there has to be a sock fairy.
35. I'm glad people can't see how I have them saved in my phone. Contact names like, "Don't Answer" and "Douchebag" and "Owes me $3,000".
36. The new term for farting should be "buttboxing"
37. For fun, I steal my married friends phones and change my name to "Brandy from the club" then repeatedly call them & hang up at 3am.
38. Life is what happens when your cell phone is charging.
39. I whisper, "Thug life" whilst pressing my finger into the loaves of bread at the grocery store.
40. When people tell me "You're gonna regret that in the morning" I sleep in til 12:01pm, because... I'm a problem solver.
41. I'm going to clean my house today...and by cleaning, I mean drinking beer and spraying everything with febreze.
42. No matter how hard I try, I just never seem to run out of bad ideas.
43. #Autocorrect doesn't recognize tsunami so if anyone sends you a text that says Mao Tse Tung get the fuck away from the ocean
44. I don't have a smartphone... I have a phone that shows potential, but refuses to apply itself.
45. Freshly washed sheets are probably what it feels like inside an Angel's vagina.
46. After opening this month's electric bill, I am no longer scared of the dark.
47. Thanksgiving is weird. What other day would you celebrate by giving your relatives the bird after they tell you to stuff it?
48. If you try to fail and succeed, which have you done?
49. Always remember, no one is listening until you fart.
50. Studies show 98% of intellectually deficient people read the computer with their hand on the mouse. Don't move it now, it's too late.
51. Squirrels: little puffballs of disaster.
52. Math Problem: A smalltown girl boards a train leaving South Detroit at midnight. If she doesn't stop believing, how long is her Journey?
53. I am so glad I was young, wild & crazy before there were cell phones and YouTube for evidence.
54. People call today Hump Day. I call it false advertising.
55. If you're out running in jeans, I'm gonna go ahead and assume you just participated in a felony.
56. Nephew and I... joking around at the bus stop. ME: "Qué pasa" NEPHEW: "What's gay pasta?"
57.  The only reason I keep more than half the phone numbers in my phone... is to avoid their calls.
58. People who say "have cake and eat it too" lose 5 degrees of respect. If I have ordered a cake, what the fuck do you think I'm going to do?
59. What I lack in good decisions, I make up for in inappropriate behavior.
60. Don't trust the heart, it wants your blood.
61. Chips have little nutritional value. That's why you need to eat the whole damn bag.
62. When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's cute. I just find it strange how many people have knives on a date.
63. I know I am an acquired taste. If you don't like me, you need to acquire some taste. Or go fuck yourself. Whichever.
64. Funny, when Miley Cyrus gets naked and licks a hammer, it's "art" and "music"... but if I do it, I'm "drunk" and "have to leave Home Depot".
65. Just saying... I'm not the type of person you want to put on speaker during a phone conversation
66. LOGIC: You can be like "This is a slippery slope" or you can be like "Wheeeeeeee!"
67. Did you hear about the resourceful proctologist? He always used two fingers, in case his patients wanted a second opinion.
68. It's hard to take life serious once you realize people jamming their genitals in each others mouths is considered a sign of affection.
69. If there is anything you're ever embarrassed to buy, get a birthday card with it. Problem solved.
70. Don't try to debrief me. I'm not wearing any.
71. Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my gal's hair. It's a nice way to let her know I love her and also that we're out of napkins
72. Never looking back doesn't make you an optimist, it makes you a horrible driver.
73. There are two types of people in this world, those who press "door close" in the elevator before others can jump on & those who are liars.
74. Some people are like bubble wrap...it's almost therapeutic to fuck with them.
75. If someone dials your number while their phone is in their back pocket, is that a Booty Call?
76. Does anyone remember when the old Nokia phone said low battery. .. you had like 2 days to find a charger?
77. If you need help at Home Depot and you're being ignored, get on one of the rolling step ladders, give a push and yell "Wheeeee!"
78. The only time somebody should be looking down on you is when they are on top of you.
79. Sometimes you just have to admit that everyone else is wrong.
80. I hate it when you have to be nice to someone you really want to throw a brick at
81. No, I'm not trying to insinuate that you're stupid... I'm flat out saying it. Here, I wrote it in crayon so you'd understand.
82. I'm not sure where you learned to whisper but I'm guessing inside a helicopter surrounded by fucking chainsaws.
83. I'd tell you to go fuck yourself but I'm sure you'd be just as disappointed as I used to be with your "skills".
84. Swimming can be confusing, sometimes you do it for fun... or, as to not die.
85. If someone toilet papered my house that would be great because I'm out of toilet paper.
86. Life can be like Chess sometimes... I don't know how to play Chess.
87. Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they truly are.
88. Have you ever taken a nap; to have a dream, that when you awoke... you questioned reality?
89. The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure he's going to get me something.
90. If you expect the unexpected, doesn't that make the unexpected the expected?
91. Deep down I don't believe that paper beats rock.
92. I was gonna take over the effin world this morning but I overslept. Postponed. Again.
93. Always carrying a Slide Whistle to use whenever I catch someone taking a selfie has been the greatest decision of my adult life.
94. Note to self: When you stand behind someone at the bus stop and make shadow puppets eat them... They are NOT amused.
95. Long story short, I love summaries.
96. Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical situations? :-/
97. The guy who decided how to spell bologna was clearly in over his head.
98. Every time I see a preview for Hoarders, I grab the closest thing to me and immediately throw it away.
99. Don't mess with anyone who has a mustache. You just don't mess with someone who decided the mouth needs an eyebrow. That's an insane person.
100. One day you'll die, but all the other days you won't... so that's pretty cool. Sorry, inspirational quotes are hard.
101. It kinda seems racist that they call it Black Friday just because a bunch of people are trying to get into stores in the middle of the night
102. My trust issues began when there was no donkey in Donkey Kong.
103. When I get in an elevator, before I press a button, I look at everyone inside and say, "Are you ready to take this to a whole new level?"
104. If by crunches you mean Captain Crunch cereal, then yes I do crunches.
105. Getting bored, so I'm going to find a kid that looks like me and tell him I'm him from the future.
106. It's hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
107. I like to reward myself for getting up on time by laying in bed for another 20 minutes.
108. So I just used a twix bar to stir my coffee. Ps Decaf only works if you throw it on people.
109. "It is better to give than to receive."- Liars
110. The snooze button, because there's nothing like starting your day off with a little procrastination.
111. Not sure if I need sex, sleep, or to punch someone in the face.
112. Do angry people know about naps?
113. What's with all these glass half empty or full posts? Fill the rest with vodka and enjoy. Now on to a bigger issue. How did Catdog poop?
114. I just ended racism, stopped bullying & banned gay bashing, and halted climate change by liking pages on Facebook. You're welcome, everyone.
115. My phone just changed, 'calendar' to 'cake radar' and now I really wish I had that
116. A big "shout out" to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets.
117. However lonely you feel, you're never really alone. There are literally millions of bugs, mites and bacteria living in your house and on you
118. We never hear anything from Rick Astley these days. It's almost like he's given us up, and let us down.
119. Just ordered an egg and a chicken off ebay... I'll let you know.
120. Me asking if you want anything from Starbucks is my way of telling you I am going to be very, very late.
121. "No sign of trauma, vitals look good, everything's going to be fine"- me after I've dropped my phone.
122. If people played with their spouses like they did their phones the divorce rate would drop drastically.
123. I dislike when being on the phone with someone, you both say your goodbyes... and as you hangup they start talking to you again.
124. "No pain no gain," I whisper, jamming my arm further up the vending machine.
125. SHRINK: Tell me, what’s your spirit animal? ME: The dodo. SHRINK: Um… OK, I think that’s about all the time we have for today.
126. If a clown farts, does it smell funny?
127. The guy who discovered milk probably did a lot of other weird shit.
128.  Camouflage condoms: They'll never see you cumming.
129. On your mark, get set, go fuck yourself.
130. Anyone that encourages pulp to be in orange juice should not be considered trustworthy.
131.  Prince Harry must feel all kinds of weird when he's stuffing pictures of his grandmother in the strippers' g-strings.
132. I am a big believer in random acts of kindness. Also random acts of karate chops.
133. I just saw a guy wearing uggs get arrested. Not sure what for, but I'm hoping it was because he was wearing uggs
134. Make kids clean their rooms 8x faster by constantly playing that music from Sonic the Hedgehog when you've been under water for too long.
135. If I were to give up Sarcasm, that would leave interpretive dance as my only means of communication.
136. Just looked up "politics" in the dictionary. "Poli" which means 'many' and "tics" which mean 'bloodsuckers'
137. I want to change my VM to. "Please leave your name, number, and as long as I'm making demands, your best rendition of "I Believe I Can Fly"
138. There's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
139. Reaching for the stars is a bad idea. Reach the stars on Earth and get a restraining order; reach the stars in the heavens and be vaporized
140. A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts
141. Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas
142. When everything seems to fall apart, don't forget to yell "JENGA!"
143. The older I get, the more I understand someone's desire to just say- "Fuck it. I'm going to be drunk all the time & live under this bridge."
144.  Still waiting for a Discovery Channel "How It's Made" episode on babies.
145. This chair is so high, my feet are dangling 2 feet up... And I'm sleepy, I keep nodding off. This is going to end badly.
146. A turkey says: Gobble Gobble. A chicken says: Cluck cluck mother fucker.
147. Yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
148. Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside.
149. #Autocorrect is changing correctly spelled words. I'm starting to think it has a mind of its AUTOCORRECT IS HARMLESS. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS
150. Before you begin a serious relationship make sure you agree on the import stuff like children, marriage and levels of pulp in orange juice.
151. Doctors ask "Are you sexually active?" Define "active". There are plenty of "active" volcanoes that haven't gone off in hundreds of years.
152. Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always write: 'last warning, you have a week to get the money together.'
153. Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “Now voice activated!” Then sit back & watch the magic
154. I want to buy a hedgehog and bring it into the library then frantically ask the clerk where she keeps the reverse spell casting books
155. I get massively nervous when the waiter/waitress doesn't write down the order.
156. Aren't they Middle-Age Mutant Ninja Turtles now?
157. "Alfonzo?" "No it's Alonzo." "Ahh okay, so your parents didn't give an F."
158. I never run voluntarily so if you ever see me running... You should beat feet as well because something is seriously wrong
159. Unwillingly found out why someone deleted me yesterday... As it turns out, some of my friends are even more sensitive than my nipples.
160. They say you've got to spend money to make money. I feel like there's a step missing.
161. The search for Flight 370 was declared "the most difficult in human history". Amelia Earhart could not be reached for comment
162. "This chicken is undercooked. I think of we take it to the vet right now, we can still save it!"
163. WEB MD should have a simple answer like "Calm down-you probably just ate too much."
164. Can we all just agree to start spelling it "Wensday"?
165. Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
166. Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they're going to put you in one.
167. I feel very uncomfortable when people watch me eat a banana.
168. When I have a kid, I want to put him in one of those strollers for twins, then run around the mall looking frantic
169. I'm surprised my snooze button isn't pregnant from how many times I hit it in the morning.
170. Extra sensitive condoms are just regular condoms that like watching romantic comedies and listen to Phil Collins.
171.  Ever talk to someone and they say something so stupid you actually squint?
172. I don't care how rough your childhood was. My generation had to witness Littlefoot say goodbye to his dying mother on "Land Before Time".
173. Why do people say "A true friend stabs you in the front."? I would have assumed that... A true friend just puts the knife down.
174. I feel like it takes me three days to wake up in the morning.
175. Pro tip for picking up girls - keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
176. I'm just about famous enough to have Wikipedia page full of misinformation about me.
177. Finding a whole worm in your apple isn't as bad as finding half of one
178. Gettin' real tired of wearing pants and having responsibilities..
179. If you like piña coladas..
180. Sometimes, when I'm dealing with people, I cant help to think, "Yep, I'm about to get my first assault and battery charge."
181. Am I the only one that feels like Steve Irwin wrestling an alligator... after a corner of the fitted sheet pops off the bed? Just curious.
182.  No matter how nice I ask people, nobody has ever taken me to Funkytown.
183. I'm pretty sure putting time limits on when breakfast is served is unconstitutional.
184. Life fact #2747463 "Make it rain" is the only appropriate response when asked if you want freshly grated parmesan.
185. "Look, you just have to trust me that donk is a real word." - me, playing scrabble
186. People who argue on their cell phones in public should have to do it on speakerphone so the rest of us can get both sides
187. If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
188. I'm trying to save up enough money to one day afford to save up money
189. Any time that I see someone wearing crocs, I assume they lost a bet.
190. Some people are like Polaroids. You have to shake them violently before they make any sense.
191. Landlords who don't allow dogs but DO allow children don't know very much about children.
192. Not sure if I can do "cold turkey". I've always fancied my turkey hot, or a least luke warm. Fair warning.
193. Woodpeckers have very clear life goals.
194. "How to Train Your Dragon" offers no practical dragon training information. NONE. Zero stars.
195. Every pizza is a personal pizza... if you try hard enough.
196. The key to a long relationship: Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty.
197. Eating fruit flavored candy doesn't count as eating healthy.
198. My leadership experience is pretty much limited to those three consecutive days in first grade when I was line leader.
199. Sometimes when I hear people speak, I wonder who ties their shoelaces.
200. Promises = Once upon a time
201. The Star-Spangled Banner is sadly the only time we get to use the word spangled.
202. If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I'm very skilled at shooting aliens this way.
203. I have some time to spare tomorrow... Anyone want to be fake engaged for two hours so we can eat cake samples?
204. All I'm saying is... you don't see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
205. My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel when crossing the street.
206. I wonder why it took so long to make a car visor out of sunglass lenses. *smacks forehead* Now that is genius.
207. Whilst everyone else is all about pumpkin spice, I'm like... Come on T.W.D.
208. Always remember: family don't mean shit to a snake.
209. I'd be unstoppable if it wasn't for law enforcement and physics.
210. A slug is just a divorced snail.
211.  Discipline your children so a correctional officer won't have to do it later.
212. Don't let anyone push you around. Unless it's in a wagon because that's actually fun.
213. Sometimes I feel intelligent. Other times I have to sing the "ABCs" in my head to remember which letter comes next
214. Wayyyy too much creamer in my coffee this morning, tastes like caffeinated breast milk.
215. People are like music, some speak the truth and others are just noise.
216. Hey Whole Foods: I'm not a chemist, but I don't think you can have 'Organic Salt'.
217. I'm not saying I'm psychic, but I'm positive I will have no interest in what you're about to say.
218. Do you guys realize that when you speak in emoji, you're basically using modern day hieroglyphics?
219. I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT! WHY THE EFF WOULD SOMEBODY BREAK INTO A HOUSE JUST TO STEAL A REMOTE CON-Never mind, I found it.
220. I'm like a kid in a candy store, I can't afford anything.
221. When prostitutes go on strike they really don't give a fuck.
222. Whenever I sing in the shower, my GF goes outside. Not to get away from me, but to make sure the neighbors know she's not torturing me
223. A butt load is an actual form of measurement. Don't believe me? Ask a drug smuggler.
224. Just printed out 50 copies of today's weather forecast to carry around with me today because I'm just not in the mood for small talk.
225. Being an adult is mostly waiting to leave places you didn't want to go to in the first place.
226. I, put commas, in, weird places, so that, you, will, read, this, like William, Shatner.
227.  What I lack in height, I make up for in kitchen counter climbing ability.
228. There's 3 ways to get something done: 1. Do it yourself, 2. Hire someone or 3. Forbid your kids to do it.
229. In high school I told everyone I had a twin, so if they seen me in public I wouldn't have to talk to them.
230. I have difficulty sleeping at night because I lay awake obsessing over life's mysteries, like how exactly does paper beat rock.
231. Sorry I invited FEMA to your wedding, but I know a disaster when I see one.
232. All the Netflix ads show people watching shows in jeans and I'm like that is not an accurate portrayal of how we the people watch Netflix
233. If a zombie apocalypse broke out in Vegas would it stay in Vegas?
234. Tip of the day... Be nice to a nerd. Prevent a supervillain.
235. I would pick up a hitchhiker wearing an "I Heart Murder" t-shirt before I'd pick up a call from a blocked number.
236. Technically, if you don't cut the cake and eat the whole thing with a fork, you only had one piece
237. Most definitely thought I saw a ghost... Alas it was my shadow.
238. Schools seem to have gotten rid of D.A.R.E. around the same time they started pushing prescription medications on parents for the kids.
239. Might wake up early tomorrow and go running but I also might win the lottery, the odds are about the same.
240. How come no one in a zombie movie has ever seen a zombie movie?
241. The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.
242. Next someone asks you for a threesome...say if they wanted to disappoint two people at once, just go out to dinner with your parents.
243. Current caffeine level: scared Chihuahua
244. I'm a down-to-earth kinda guy. Cause... you know, gravity.
245. Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a brick.
246. Computer technology used to be a lot tougher. Back when I was a kid, mice had balls.
247. I like to flush the toilet a few times when I'm on the phone with someone who calls me so they know not to do that again
248. I think my mailman is stealing all my Nigerian checks.
249. So many village idiots. So few dragons.
250. Just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick up an ice cube from the kitchen floor.
251. A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
252.  If a man holds a gun to his head... Why do the police point their guns at said man, telling him to put the gun down?
253. If a guy's "junk" is his genitals, and a girl's "trunk" is her butt, then isn't "junk in the trunk" getting f... Never mind!
254. Strip Clubs: Where men go to get boners together as confirmation of their heterosexuality.
255. Hate to brag but sometimes I have my shit together for 2, even 3 days at a time.
256. Libraries were a good start, but we really need to keep working on the number of places where people shouldn't be allowed to talk.
257. Some days "solitary confinement" sounds more like paradise than like punishment.
258. Has it ever occurred to optimists and pessimists that the glass is refillable? Love always, Logics
259. If a potential employer asks why you lost your last job, take a breath, look them in the eye, and say you got too close to the truth.
260. Honestly, Officer, I wouldn't have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me
261. Well, person I've only met once who remembers my name,...you win this round.
262. Don't worry about the grass on the other side. It's not your grass.
263. You should be required to read a book for every 10 selfies you take.
264. One of the benefits of eating healthier is that you never have to ask questions like, "Who ate my kale?
265. If you're feeling down about your love life, remember that salmon swim hundreds of miles upstream to jack-off on a pile of eggs and die.
266. Guys! If a girl posts 5 selfies a day, regardless of how hot she is, let it go bud. You'll never give the amount of attention required.
267. The world belongs to the kids who climb up the slide instead of using the steps.
268. Whenever you think you have it bad remember... None of us have it as bad as the porcupine giving birth to another porcupine.
269. Did you know... taking rolled coin to the bank really pisses tellers off? Piggybank cash-ins are their worst nightmare
270. The point of no return sounds like a fun vacation spot.
271. What's the difference between the U.S. Government and the Mafia? One of them is organized.
272. If you're having second thoughts... You're two ahead of most people. Common sense seems to be very uncommon nowadays.
273. Has anybody ever actually gotten salmonella from eating raw cookie dough or are people just trying to stop me from living my life?
274. I can understand your anger at me, but what could you possibly have against the horse I rode in on?
275. You just don't see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.
276. In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion is like what the hell am I doing here I'm a savanna animal.
277. My family laughs because I'm losing my hearing. We'll see who's laughing when I'm the only other person home and they run out of toilet paper.
278. Does anyone else think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel everyday?
279. I'm sorry. I know I said hi, but I wasn't really prepared for any follow-up conversation.
280. TOP TIP: ask your crush "hey wanna date?" and if they reject you just pull out some dried fruit and say "Okay, more for me"
281. "You're still a rockstar" I whisper to myself as I take my multivitamin and get in bed at 9:45.
282. I had a lot of disappointing moments in my life... but really high up on that list, is a stale box of Junior Mints.
283. CEO: "Ugh this cereal is disappointing and makes me wanna cry. What should we call it?" ME: "Life?"
284. Our coffee pot aspires to be a volcano one day.
285. Anyone else notice that the world economy started to tank and terrorism boomed around the time that gluten-free products became a thing?
286. All the debates in televised history: "Senator, how will you solve this thing that no one has been able to solve ever? You have 60 seconds"
287. Tetris taught me that trying to fit in will make you disappear.
288. Sometimes I mix the chicken &shrimp seasoning in ramen noodles & pretend I'm eating some hybrid mythical creature. Helps me forget I'm poor.
289. Beggin'Strips enough already! Dogs smell cocaine stuffed in a vag across an airport; I'm sure they know it's NOT bacon.
290. Lately, it seems like 90% of parenting is loudly telling the kids to stop being loud.
291. I never understood why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? You still have to get up and take the disc out
292. Ever since I misplaced my dictionary, I've been at a loss for words.
293. When you get a genie, it can only give you 3 wishes, but you can't wish for more wishes. Why does no one think to wish for more genies?
294. Everyone sleeps to rest, I sleep to stay out of trouble
295. Walmart is like a casino: No windows, No clocks, they have beer, smokes and you leave with less money than you came in with.
296. Scariest moment: flushing the toilet at someone else house, and the water starts to rise....and they don't have a plunger.
297. Sadly, my day requires pants...
298. I bought a new printer because it was cheaper than ink refills. Now I'm wondering how long before new cars are cheaper than fuel.
299. When I see someone jogging, I want to drive slowly down the road behind them and blast "Eye of the Tiger" just to give them some motivation.
300. Who else strives to accomplish something before the microwave is done?
301. Synonym - a word to replace the one you couldn't spell
302. Don’t ask me to kill a spider for you & then criticize my methods. Yes, I had to use a samurai sword, and no, I’m not sorry about your table
303. Lately I've been going to parking lots and putting sticky notes on peoples cars saying "sorry for the damage" and watching their reaction
304. Bought a penis enhancement device on EBay...bastards sent me a magnifying glass.
305. Lost the bar trivia contest last night. The last question: "Where do women have the curliest hair?" Apparently the correct answer is Fiji.

AARGAU

"The Bank and the depositors of Aargau welcome you in the name of the sacred balance!"
―Aargau security captain

Aargau was a planet in the Zug system of the Core Worlds region, not far from Coruscant and the Corellian Run. It was run by and served as the headquarters for the Bank of Aargau, which was part of the InterGalactic Banking Clan. Numerous other banks and corporations were also based on Aargau, including the Z-Gomot Ternbuell Guppat Corporation. Aargau was an exceptionally wealthy world, due both to its status as a financial center, as well as the planet's vast reserves of rare and precious metals.

Aargau was a member of the Galactic Republic from its discovery until the end of that galactic power. After the fall of the Galactic Empire, it was considered a New Republic stronghold. The region of space occupied by the planet would later fall under the hegemony of first the Galactic Federation of Free Alliances, and then subsequently Darth Krayt's Galactic Empire. Despite this, Aargau took a neutral approach to politics, which meant that warring factions were mutually welcome to conduct business on the planet. The planetary government imposed only three laws on citizens and visitors, called the Three Statutes of Aargau. These laws focused on the export of Aargau's natural resources, the absolute ban on weapons for visitors—and, conversely, the requirement to bear arms for Aargauuns—as well as maintaining the integrity of the Bank of Aargau. Breaking any of these rules was punishable by immediate execution.

Aargau occupied a central location in the Core Worlds region; not only was it in close proximity to the politically important world of Coruscant, it was also surrounded by hyperlanes such as the Corellian Run and the Ag Circuit. Thanks to this, combined with a culture fixated on banking and finance, as well as enormous reserves of valuable metals, the planet became an economic powerhouse. Several governments, corporations, and organizations stored their assets in the planet's thousands of secure vaults.

Aargau's government, the Bank of Aargau, which in turn was owned by the InterGalactic Banking Clan, operated with only three primary laws called the Three Statutes of Aargau, all of which were punishable with death if broken. It was illegal to export Aargau's rare metals without proper approval, for non-Aargauuns to carry weapons—on the other hand, it was illegal for Aargauun citizens to be unarmed—and finally, it was unlawful to "defraud, discredit or deceive" the Bank of Aargau. The Bank's wholly owned subsidiary Bank of Aargau Security was, at the time of the Galactic Empire, the largest privately owned army in the galaxy. The Aargau Home Guard frequently played war games around Aargau's capital, New Escrow. This display of military power was meant to deter foreign powers from invading the planet, but in reality, Aargau's financial position already ensured this was an unpopular notion. Due to the planet's laws on export, the Bank of Aargau Security subsidiary BAS Customs strictly monitored all inbound and outgoing traffic.

Much of Aargau's surface was covered by city, though far from all of it. While the higher, newer levels of the cities were seat to the planet's political and financial power, the millions of years-old lower levels referred to as the Undercity, were home to a seedier element, which included members of the Hutt Desilijic clan. Due to Aargau's unique laws, this group of people were free to conduct their somewhat shady business mostly in peace.

Early history

Aargauun history stretched back millions of years, to the construction of its first cities by the planet's original natives. The existence of the enormous Dawn Pyramid of Aargau—considered by the historian Vicendi to be one of the Twenty Wonders of the Galaxy—led some scientists to believe the planet had been visited by the Sharu civilization several thousands of years prior to the founding of the Galactic Republic. Aargau was discovered by the Republic and the galactic community at large between 20,000 and 17,000 BBY, in the period of time referred to as the Great Manifest Period. Over time, Humans came to be the dominant species of the planet, and the Bank of Aargau became its planetary government. It was considered a major financial center by 3963 BBY, and was in direct competition with the Telerath Interstellar Banking Initiative until Telerath was abandoned during the Mandalorian Wars.

Clone Wars

In 22 BBY, just prior to the outbreak of the Clone Wars, Senator Aks Moe of Malastare was killed in a bomb explosion in New Escrow. Moe was visiting the planet to negotiate a deal with the InterGalactic Banking Clan to secure funding for a proposed Republic military initiative to deal with the Separatist Crisis, which concerned a rapidly growing secessionist movement within the Republic itself. This movement was suspected of being involved with Moe's assassination, but that claim was never proven.

When the war broke out, Aargau retained its neutral stance, despite the fact that the Banking Clan were heavily involved in the war on the Separatist side. The Republic, fearful for its substantial investments, and suspecting the Banking Clan of manufacturing Hailfire droids on the planet, garrisoned a large peacekeeping force of clone troopers in major cities, including the InterGalactic Banking Clan Arcology. This was not without controversy: technically, the Republic occupation broke one of the Three Statutes of Aargau, specifically the one stating no non-Aargauuns could carry weapons. Not before Aargau threatened to secede did the Republic send diplomatic envoys.

Republic intervention, however, did not stop the prominent Confederacy of Independent Systems official San Hill from visiting the planet to attempt to recruit the crime lord Gorga Desilijic Aarrpo to the Separatist cause—a meeting that, by chance, was witnessed by the future leader of the Mandalorians, Boba Fett. During the war, the neutral organization Aargau Medical Observer Corps investigated recent battlefields for evidence of war crimes. This inquisitional organ was tolerated by both sides of the conflict.

Galactic Civil War

In the early days of the Galactic Empire, the Galactic Corporate Policy League held a week-long meeting on Aargau in the famed Dragonbird Gardens to plan and write the charter proposing the establishment of the Corporate Sector Authority, a Corporate Sector-based interplanetary government focused on free enterprise.

The planet retained its neutrality throughout the Galactic Civil War, which meant that both the Alliance to Restore the Republic and Galactic Empire could conduct business on the banking world. In 3 ABY Princess Leia Organa of Alderaan attempted to secure a loan for the Alliance that would enable the organization to procure several T-65 X-wing starfighters. The collateral presented for the loan were the priceless Crown Jewels of Alderaan. Imperial Supreme Commander and Dark Lord of the Sith Darth Vader, also on Aargau at the time, feigned an attempt to stop Organa's financial transaction from going through. His actual objective was securing the crown jewels, which he promptly stole as soon as the Alliance's loan was approved. Both Organa and Vader were tried in absentia following this incident, and were recommended to be arrested should either of them return to the planet.

During the Imperial Civil War, a conflict that lasted from 4 to 12 ABY, Aargau became a New Republic fortress world, and was garrisoned with a fleet consisting of hundreds of warships. Between 10 and 11 ABY, following the resurrection of Emperor Palpatine, a battle between Imperial forces from the Deep Core and the New Republic was fought on Aargau.

Later history

Aargau completely avoided the destruction wrought by the Yuuzhan Vong War. The region of space occupied by the planet fell under the political hegemony of the Galactic Federation of Free Alliances, and later Darth Krayt's Galactic Empire.

TOL SKORR

"You could have saved yourself, Skorr. Sometimes you… disappoint me."
―Count Dooku

Tol Skorr was a male Human Jedi Knight who served the Jedi Order and the Galactic Republic in the final decades of the Republic Classic era. Taking the rank of General within the Grand Army of the Republic during the Clone Wars, Skorr was seduced to the dark side of the Force early in the conflict and he joined the Confederacy of Independent Systems, becoming one of Count Dooku's Dark Acolytes.

Biography

Seduced by the dark side:

Discovered to be Force-sensitive at an early age, Tol Skorr was delivered to the Coruscant Jedi Temple for training in the ways of the Force by the Jedi Order. Passing through the Temple's academy, Skorr went onto to complete formal training when he succeeded in his Trials of Knighthood and was elevated to the rank of Jedi Knight by the Jedi High Council. Beginning his independent studies, Skorr was sent on missions by the High Council and became a good lightsaber duelist. When the Clone Wars erupted between the Republic and the Confederacy of Independent Systems in 22 BBY, Jedi Skorr reported to Coruscant where he received the rank of General within the newly created Grand Army of the Republic. On an early mission, Jedi Skorr was sent to track a band of pirates over Korriban. His starfighter was shot down in a dogfight and the man was nearly killed by a Tuk'ata. As Skorr lay injured, he was rescued by Confederacy leader Count Dooku; to whom Skorr pledged his life.

Seduced to the dark side of the Force by Dooku, who was in fact the elusive Dark Lord of the Sith Darth Tyranus, Skorr abandoned the Jedi Order and his role in the war, becoming one of Dooku's deputies alongside fellow fallen Jedi Kadrian Sey and Sora Bulq. Constructing a red-bladed lightsaber, Skorr's new allegiance was made known to the High Council. Rivaling Sey as Dooku's most favored, the two joined together to attack Quinlan Vos, a seemingly turncoat Jedi who wished to join Dooku's army. Engaging Vos, the two Acolytes were soundly defeated and Sora Bulq escorted Vos into the Count's chambers. Shortly after Vos was admitted into Dooku's retinue of Dark Acolytes, the group traveled to Tibrin to overthrow the pro-Republic dictator and take the planet for the Confederacy. Standing by Dooku's side, Skorr watched in silence as the planet's ruler, Suribran Tu, was decapitated by the Sith Lord's lightsaber.

Dark Acolyte of the Confederacy:

Soon thereafter, the group ventured to Kiffu where Dooku confronted Sheyf Tinté Vos within her palace. When Dooku announced his intentions to depose the Sheyf, she ordered her guards to capture or kill the assassins. Skorr engaged the Guardians along with the others, slaying them one by one as they attacked in force. Competing with Sey to reach the Sheyf first, Vos leaped over both and abducted the old ruler. Slaying Sey on his way out of the chamber, Dooku ordered Skorr to remain to kill the rest of the Guardians while he found Vos. Quickly departing Kiffu once the Sheyf was murdered, Dooku sent Skorr and Vos on a mission to Korriban to fuel the competition between the two. Ordered to retrieve the Holocron of Heresies, the ancient holocron of Darth Andeddu, the pair set out to scour the tombs of the ancient Sith Lords. Lying in wait as Vos retrieved the artifact, Skorr challenged the Kiffar for possession of the ancient data crystal. Dueling briefly with Vos, Skorr came face-to-face once more with the Tuk'ata that had scarred his face when he first crashed on Korriban. Escaping together, Skorr fell short as he leaped for Dooku's shuttle; however the Count rescued him with the Force. Journeying to Coruscant, Skorr waited with Dooku in The Works district as Vos assassinated Senator Viento on behalf of the Confederacy. After receiving Vos' report, Dooku and Skorr departed.

Hunting Quinlan Vos:

Fourteen months later, Dooku was displeased with Vos' repeated failures and assigned Skorr to partner with Sith assassin Asajj Ventress to kill the Kiffar Dark Acolyte. Tracking Vos, the pair managed to trap him aboard the ruined Intergalactic Zoological Society's ship, the Titavian IV and pitted him against several deadly droids. When Vos managed to activate his beacon transceiver, Master Obi-Wan Kenobi located the ship and helped Vos counter the droids. When Ventress' Morp droids led the two Jedi into Skorr's trap, the Nightsister attacked Kenobi while Skorr beat Vos in hand to hand combat. Distracted by a rancor released by Kenobi, the Jedi were able to flee to the hangar deck where Vos boarded the Skorp-Ion. As Ventress and Kenobi fought, Skorr piloted a starfighter to chase Vos but was ultimately gunned down inside the hangar. Surviving the wreck, Ventress and Skorr regrouped as the Jedi escaped. When General Grievous answered the Dark Jedi's distress beacon, Ventress ordered Skorr to go with the cyborg and report to Dooku while she dealt with unfinished business between Kenobi and Vos.

Final battle and death:

Near the end of the war, Skorr accompanied Dooku to the world of Saleucami to oversee the development of a Morgukai Shadow Army by the Anzat Rath Kelkko. As the Confederacy began to lay siege to the planet, Skorr went into the seedy regions of the world to meet with Khaleen Hentz, Vos' lover. Threatening her by strangling her with the Force briefly, Skorr attempted to create a schism between Hentz and Vos, in order to cause his long time rival to make mistakes. Leading Morgukai in battle against the Republic, Skorr encountered Vos on the battlefield and engaged him, leading him deep into a cave. Once out of sight from the battling armies, the two disengaged each other and met with Dooku and Bulq in the underground labs of the Anzati. While Dooku assigned Vos to hunt down Jedi Master Tholme who had successfully sabotaged parts of the Morgukai project, Skorr continued his role as leader of the armies on the surface. Operating under the call name Red Tide, Skorr was instrumental in giving the all clear to Master Bulq to continue with his plan to assassinate Jedi Master Oppo Rancisis, leader of the Republic's war effort on the planet. As Bulq murdered Rancisis, Skorr engaged Jedi K'Kruhk, Sian Jeisel, and A'Sharad Hett in battle to arouse suspicion that Vos had killed the Thisspiasian Jedi Master.

As the battle continued, Vos reported to Dooku the death of Tholme, which Vos believed he had caused. Dooku decided to test Vos' allegiance once more by asking him to kill Khaleen Hentz, who Skorr had recovered from the surface and dragged down into the underground facility. Refusing to kill the woman, Vos disavowed any feigned allegiance to Dooku and attacked Bulq, Skorr, and the Morgukai guards. Joined by Tholme, who indeed had survived the early duel with Vos, the Kiffar Jedi engaged Skorr one-on-one and battled each other into a chamber overlooking a lava pit. As Skorr taunted Vos and his belief in the so-called "Second Sith," a being Skorr claimed Dooku made up to control Vos, the Jedi became more and more enraged, knocking the lightsaber out of Skorr's hand. As Skorr stood defeated on the cliff reaching over the lava pit, Vos shoved the Dark Acolyte over the edge, where he plummeted to his death.

Personality and traits:

While trained as a Jedi, Tol Skorr was quick to forsake his oaths to the Jedi Order when Count Dooku rescued him from Korriban early during the Clone Wars. Displaying an extreme sense of loyalty to the Count, Skorr was willing to unquestionably follow the Sith Lord's orders without hesitation. Constantly plying for Dooku's affection, Skorr eagerly played into Dooku's plot to keep his acolytes fighting each other; secretly pitting Skorr against first Kadrian Sey, then Quinlan Vos.

Powers and abilities:

Trained as a Jedi Knight, Tol Skorr demonstrated all of the Force techniques and skills with a lightsaber that all Jedi would have possessed. Having fallen to the dark side, Skorr had been taught certain forbidden techniques by Count Dooku, including a form of telekinesis known as a Force Choke. While a competent lightsaber duelist, Skorr was significantly less skilled than former Jedi lightsaber instructor Sora Bulq, or the Sith assassin Asajj Ventress. Skorr was able to survive two encounters with a Tuk'ata, an impressive feat, even for a trained Force-sensitive.

While trained to pilot basic craft and starfighters, Skorr habitually showed weakness as a pilot, getting shot down over Korriban and in the hangar of the Titavian IV by pirates and Quinlan Vos respectively.

- Exar Kun

Absolutely hilarious...but true answers!

Here are true answers written by 6th graders on a history test...

1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics They lived in sarah Dessert The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

2. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree One of their children ,Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?" Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments He died before he ever reached Canada.

3. Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we couldn't have history The Greeks also had myths A myth is a female moth

5. Actually, Homer wasn't written by Homer but by a another man of that name.

6. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him.

7.Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

8. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java.

9. Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.

10. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."

11. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the fiddle to them.

12. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was cannonized by Bernard Shaw.

13. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offense.

14. In midevil times most people were alliterate The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature.

15. Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.

16. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."

17. .It was an age of great inventions and discoveries Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible Another important invention was the circulation of blood Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a -foot clipper.

18. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare He was born in the year , supposedly on his birthday He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroicouplet Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

19. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes He wrote Donkey Hote The next great author was John Milton Milton wrote Paradise Lost Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

20. During the Renaissance America began Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.

21. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called Pilgrim's Progress The winter of was a hard one for the settlers Many died and many babies were born Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.

22. One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps Finally the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis.

23. Delegates from the original states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in and is still dead.

24. .Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility Under the constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.

25. .Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation On the night of April ,, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor This ruined Booth's career.

26. Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy. Gravity was invented by Issac Walton It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.

27. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic Bach died from to the present Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel Handel was half German half Italian and half English He was very large.

28. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf He was so deaf he wrote loud music He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him Beethoven expired in and later died for this.

29. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and catapulted into Napoleon Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have any children.

30. The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West Queen Victoria was the longest queen She sat on a thorn for years She was a moral woman who practiced virtue Her death was the final event which ended her reign

31.The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species Madman Curie discovered radio And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.

THE 10 DRUNKEST CITIES IN MICHIGAN

It’s not always the big cities and college towns that are getting ‘Michigan Drunk’ the most.

This article is an opinion based on facts and is meant as infotainment. Don’t freak out.

Is there anything wrong with being called the drunkest city in your state? Especially in Michigan, where you guys are …really good at your alcohol consumption.

I mean 25% of you have admitted to binge drinking at least once in the last month, according to CBS.
Hey, we’re not judging. Drinking is fun. We’re just making observations.

So, how do you decide which city drinks the most? By the number of available places to buy booze, and by how often people are talking about drinking, that’s how.

Plus, we thought why not add in a stereotype? Cause, you know, drinking is one reason for divorce, and something that divorced people do a lot of.

Using that criteria, it’s not hard to scrape the internet, run some scientific data on where the biggest partiers might live in Michigan, and then put out a list.

You’re probably thinking ‘Show me the proof!” The data never lies, does it?

So, hold our beers and watch this. After analyzing all cities with a decent amount of people in them, we came up with this list as The Drunkest Cities in Michigan:

1. Traverse City
2. Mount Clemens
3. Ferndale
4. Muskegon
5. Benton Harbor
6. Kalamazoo
7. Escanaba
8. Flint
9. Grand Haven
10. Bay City

Many of these are mid sized cities in Michigan with many bars in town or nearby, where there’s a higher than average divorce rate. Studies have indicated that when one or both partners in a marriage are alcoholics, that couple is three times more likely to divorce.

Read on below to see where your town ranked.

What drunken criteria did we use?

In order to rank the drunkest cities in Michigan, we had to determine what criteria defines someone who drinks a lot.

We threw a lot of criteria at this one in order to get the best, most complete results possible. Using Yelp and Sperling’s Best Places, this is the criteria we used:

• Number of bars and pubs per capita
• Number of wineries per capita
• Number of liquor stores per capita
• Each city’s drunk related tweets within the last week
• Each city’s divorce rate

For geo-located tweets, we measured the following raw number of tweets that came from within a city’s general area: #Drunk, #Party, #Beer, #Wine and #Cocktails

Note: For the sake of getting reliable numbers, we counted places within a city’s border, as well as within a short driving distance.

1. Traverse City

The gang at Union Street Station, Traverse City, MI. From their Facebook page

Population: 14,674
Divorce rate: 16%
Bars per capita: 1st in the state
Liquor stores per capita: 1st

Hot damn, Traverse City, you are tore up from the floor up! We’re impressed. Based on the data, it sounds like you are all having a really, really good time.

Of course, when you have the most bars per capita, the most liquor stores per capita, and the 4th highest divorce rate in the state, what else are you gonna do here?

Plus, there are 12 breweries in TC.

And, it sounds like you guys are talking about drinking a lot, too. We counted 27 drunk related tweets in the last week. This was a good one:

“My parents tricked me into going to bar with them so they could get me drunk and tell me they might be moving to Traverse City.”

Maybe you should go with them!

2. Mount Clemens

The gang at Your Mothers, Mount Clemens, MI. From their Facebook page

Population: 16,314
Divorce rate: 16%
Bars per capita: 7th in the state
Liquor stores per capita: 8th in the state

You’re probably thinking, ‘Mount Where?” But, yes, Michiganders, this under the radar place is drinking a lot more than you are.

Where is Mount Clemens? It’s a quiet, blue collar suburb about 3 beers north of Detroit. But we’re pretty sure that you folks in Mount Clemens probably know all the back roads, right (wink, wink?)

Here, they have the 3rd highest divorce rate in the state. Can you blame them? They’re out drinking all the time. When do they have time time to work on their relationship?

3. Ferndale

Orchid, Ferndale, MI. Google Maps.

Population: 19,900
Divorce rate: 12.5%
Bars per capita: 3rd
Liquor stores per capita: 4th in Michigan

Ferndale is just about right next door to Mount Clemens. In fact, they probably bump into one another at the bars all the time. But it sounds like Ferndale should give Mount Clemens some relationship advice, since they have a much lower divorce rate.

Here in Ferndale, there are lots of bars and liquor stores within a small area. Most of the boozy behavior takes place along 9 Mile Road. Here, there are a large number of dance clubs, bars and restaurants,
If you live in the greater Detroit area, and you haven’t popped into Ferndale, you’ve been missing out on some fun apparently.

4. Muskegon

Lakeshore Tavern, Muskegon, MI. Google Maps

Population: 38,401
Divorce rate: 18%
Bars per capita: 14th in MI
Liquor stores per capita: 17th

Wow, Muskegon couples. Almost 1 in 5 of you has already made it to splitsville. We’re not blaming you, with all of the opportunities to drink there.

Was it the drinking that drove away your spouse, or are you frolicking at the bar scene because you’re single and alone? Either way, there are probably some really interesting moments that take place around midnight in Muskegon area bars.

5. Benton Harbor

Babe’s Lounge, Benton Harbor, MI. From their Facebook page

Population: 10,038
Divorce rate: 13%
Bars per capita: 7th in the state
Liquor stores per capita: 6th

Christ, Benton Harbor, you’re a mess. You’re broke, many of you are out of work, and you’re hitting the bottle? We get it; there isn’t a lot to do down there, especially during the winter months.

Perhaps you need to check out a few of the art galleries in town. They do have free wine, sometimes.
Benton Harbor has the 7th highest number of bars in town, and the 6th most liquor stores. You know your town is a drinkin’ town when the city’s website has a bunch of bars listed on its Places of Interest page.

6. Kalamazoo

Old Burdick’s, Kalamazoo, MI. Google Maps

Population: 74,262
Divorce rate: 11.4%
Bars per capita: 11h in MI
Liquor stores per capita: 12th

We’re impressed, Kalamazoo. Despite all of the drinking that you do, you’re really keeping it together, relationship wise. You have the lowest divorce rate on this list. Maybe that’s because a larger percentage of your population are college students.

There are 8 breweries in Kalamazoo, and a high number of bars and liquor stores.

7. Escanaba

Liquor Store, Escanaba, MI. Google Maps

Population: 12,616
Divorce rate: 15.5%
Bars per capita: 15th in MI
Liquor stores per capita: 18th in the state

We’re pretty sure you guys expected to see a lot more U.P. cities on this list. Because everyone knows that the Yoopers can pretty much drink anyone under the table. But the the fact is, that, according to the data, there aren’t as many bars and liquor stores up here as there are down state.

But we get it. You guys make up for it in a big way. We’ve heard stories about you guys pulling kegs home on sleds in January. Then you all like to get on your roof and jump off into the 10 foot drifts.
Actually, that sounds like fun.

There were only a few drunk related tweets in this area, but this one is a gem:
“There is drunk and then there is escanaba drunk.”

8. Flint

The Wooden Keg, Flint, MI. Google Maps

Population: 102,434
Divorce rate: 15%
Bars per capita: 21st in Michigan
Liquor stores per capita: 5th

While you’re waiting to get a decent job, you might as well spend time in the bars in Flint. Actually, inside of a bar in Flint might be a lot safer than wondering around on the streets at night.
Flint led the state in the number of drunk related tweets. Most were kinda’ sad – people talking about drunk drivers with kids in the car – or people talking about house parties.

9. Grand Haven

The Kirby House, Grand Haven, MI. Google Maps

Population: 10,412
Divorce rate: 14.6%
Bars per capita: 5th in the state
Liquor stores per capita: 35th

If you’ve ever been to Grand Haven, the numbers probably won’t surprise you. There are quote a few bars and restaurants on the main drag. And, since it’s more of a quiet, lakeside town, there aren’t very many liquor stores.

The number of people that hit the Big D is really high in Grand Haven; nearly 1 in 6 couples have split up here.

If you’re one of them, things will get better. Heck, head on down to the tavern right now. The next Mrs. You is probably sitting at the end of the bar waiting for you to come talk to her.

Here’s to that!

10. Bay City

Bemo’s Bar, Bay City, MI. Google Maps

Population: 34,392
Divorce rate: 13.4%
Liquor stores per capita: 22nd in MI
Bars per capita: 11th

Where in the world is Bay City? It’s just about far enough north of Saginaw that you could probably pound your drink before you got home.

Bay City’s ‘About Our City’ official webpage is http://www.downtownbaycity.com/WineWalk.htm. So they obviously want you to come to Bay City and drink a lot of wine. They’re not hiding it at all.
There are three breweries in Bay City, and a number of places to get hammered here. If you know someone in Bay City, tag them in this post. Odds are they’ll check Facebook as soon as their hangover wears off.

There You Have It
If you’re measuring the locations in Michigan where there are a high number of divorced people, bars and liquor stores, and where people are talking about drinking the most often, this is an accurate list.
And while you might think the larger cities and college towns are ‘more drunk’ than these places, when you measure the percentage of people who have access to alcohol, and who are separated, it makes sense. Cause, the data never lies, does it?

If you’re curious enough, here are the least drunk places in Michigan. Or the most sober, if you will:

1. Forest Hills (Pop. 25,867)
2. East Grand Rapids (Pop. 10,694)
3. Jenison (Pop. 16,538)
4. Haslett (Pop. 19,220)
5. Allendale (Pop. 17,579)

We also wrote about the worst places in Michigan if you didn’t happen to see it. Click here to read it.

City	Divorce Rate	Rank
Traverse_City	15.99%	1
Mount_Clemens	16.05%	2
Ferndale	12.57%	3
Muskegon	17.97%	4
Benton_Harbor	12.81%	5
Kalamazoo	11.40%	6
Escanaba	15.52%	7
Flint	15.22%	8
Grand_Haven	14.60%	9
Bay_City	13.47%	10
Monroe	14.91%	11
Saginaw	15.04%	12
Niles	15.05%	13
Rochester	11.69%	14
Jackson	14.71%	15
Clawson	15.26%	16
Cadillac	19.36%	17
Romulus	14.52%	18
Coldwater	14.29%	19
Royal_Oak	12.42%	20
Marquette	10.50%	21
Birmingham	11.83%	22
Ypsilanti	9.31%	23
Fenton	12.40%	24
Port_Huron	15.09%	25
Alpena	14.57%	26
Farmington	12.18%	27
Wyandotte	12.99%	27
Grand_Rapids	11.12%	29
Lansing	14.44%	30
Berkley	11.71%	31
Ann_Arbor	7.24%	32
Holland	8.65%	33
Madison_Heights	13.69%	34
Battle_Creek	15.07%	35
Sault_Ste._Marie	12.24%	36
Detroit	12.48%	37
South_Lyon	12.55%	38
Ionia	15.80%	39
Hamtramck	6.70%	40
Auburn_Hills	11.78%	41
Eastpointe	13.79%	42
Highland_Park	15.82%	43
Wayne	15.67%	44
Big_Rapids	7.61%	45
Mount_Pleasant	6.13%	46
Adrian	11.71%	47
East_Lansing	3.81%	48
Southfield	15.20%	49
Roseville	14.26%	50
Saint_Clair_Shores	11.00%	51
Grandville	9.54%	52
Taylor	13.69%	53
Pontiac	14.22%	54
Trenton	14.88%	55
Garden_City	12.28%	55
Fraser	11.80%	57
Hazel_Park	13.25%	58
Lincoln_Park	14.63%	59
Woodhaven	15.33%	60
Harper_Woods	13.15%	61
Warren	11.02%	62
Allen_Park	11.18%	63
Southgate	14.40%	64
Burton	13.41%	64
Westland	13.71%	66
Novi	10.03%	67
Sturgis	15.18%	68
Portage	10.67%	69
Troy	7.24%	70
Livonia	10.06%	71
Grosse_Pointe_Park	8.00%	72
Riverview	12.99%	73
Owosso	14.94%	74
Okemos	8.31%	75
Beverly_Hills	9.21%	76
Dearborn_Heights	10.51%	77
Comstock_Park	11.65%	78
Dearborn	10.06%	79
Melvindale	13.61%	80
Inkster	14.72%	81
Midland	10.56%	82
Beecher	15.96%	83
New_Baltimore	10.64%	84
Wixom	10.69%	85
Rochester_Hills	8.48%	86
Muskegon_Heights	14.88%	86
Oak_Park	12.48%	88
Walker	10.66%	89
Cutlerville	13.98%	90
Holt	12.39%	91
Waverly	13.02%	92
Wyoming	11.34%	93
Sterling_Heights	8.46%	94
Norton_Shores	11.50%	95
Kentwood	10.64%	96
Northview	11.63%	97
Allendale	3.63%	98
Haslett	9.76%	99
Jenison	9.16%	100
East_Grand_Rapids	8.26%	101
Forest_Hills	5.31%	102

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THE TEN WORST PLACES TO LIVE IN MICHIGAN

Thrillist just ranked Michigan as the best state in the nation, which should really come as no surprise to anyone. With its four legitimate seasons, natural wonders, regional diversity and seemingly endless waterfront, it’s no wonder that Michigan would top all 49 of the lesser states on any list you might want to throw together.
All the same, anyone familiar with Michigan knows there are places that need some real TLC right now. And it’s not just Detroit. In fact, there are cities that might need a hug even more than Detroit. Here are the 10 cities in the Great Lakes State who have it a little rough right now.

1. Flint
2. Beecher
3. Escanaba
4. Buena Vista
5. Lapeer
6. Highland Park
7. Greenville
8. Saginaw
9. Pontiac
10. Muskegon

How we determined which cities have the most issues in Michigan

To figure out cities that are in need of some attention, we rely on a complex algorithm that considers only the kinds of things people like, and then it tabulates what cities have the least amount of those things. We don’t think it’s a stretch to assume that people like the following things:

• Good schools
• Lots of jobs
• Low crime
• High incomes
• Solid home prices
• Lots of things to do

Then, the algorithm generates multiple lists of the cities that are the worst in all of these categories. After a crunching of the numbers, a list of all of the cities magically appears listing them from worst to best.

How we crunched the numbers

We threw a lot of criteria at this one in order to get the best, most complete results possible. Using FBI crime data, the government census, Bureau of Labor Statistics and Sperling’s Best Places, this is the criteria we used:

• Population Density (The lower the worse)
• Highest Unemployment Rates
• Adjusted Median Income (Median income adjusted for the cost of living)
• High Housing Vacancy Rate
• Education (Low expenditures per student and high Student Teacher Ratio)
• Long Commute Times
• High Crime
• The Worst Weather

Read on below to learn more about which Michigan residents need some hugs. For this list, we used the 177 cities that qualified for our rankings due to both their population sizes and the way in which their governments are organized.
This list is a scientific analysis based on real data and is completely unbiased.

1. Flint

Source: Flickr user NESJUMPAN

Population: 103,263
Unemployment rate: 4
Median income: $36,081
Crime index: 163.4
Flint needs some tough love.
Years ago, someone told me the sun never shines in Flint. That’s not true, of course, but you can understand why she might say that when you analyze certain facts about Flint. Of the 176 cities considered in this ranking, Flint had the least to be proud of across the board.
Not only does Flint have Michigan’s lowest home value rank, but it also had the fourth and fifth highest rankings in unemployment and crime respectively. Statistics like that will certainly make the sun shine a bit dimmer, and it will win you the title of “Worst City in Michigan.”
If you know anyone in Flint, tag them on Facebook and tell them you love them. They can probably use it right about now.

2. Beecher

Source: Wikipedia

Population: 10,963
Unemployment rate: 46
Median income: $35,425
Crime index: 133.0
It is sadly fitting how the most famous event ever to occur in Beecher was a tornado that killed 116 people. Since then, it seems like the Beecher name has only ever been associated with awful news.
In fact, the most newsmaking episode to emerge from Beecher in recent years was the fight to recall board members who took a $36,000 trip to San Diego at the taxpayers’ expense. Rather than taking trips, their time would have been better served handling Beecher’s crime, student-teacher ratio, adjusted income and home value ranks, which are all in the bottom sixth of all Michigan cities. This is the kind of city mismanagement that will put your hometown on a list of Michigan’s worst cities.
Beecher isn’t an actual city, it’s what the state refers to as a census designated place. Even more reason to send folks in Beecher some love.

3. Escanaba

Source: Flickr user msprague

Population: 12,609
Unemployment rate: 8.7%
Median income: $33,349
Crime index: 121.2
Escanaba probably shouldn’t even be on this list, because it’s a great community with a lot going on. Even so, Escanaba’s rankings do indicate that perhaps they could use a hug right about now.
Although it ranks in the bottom half of our rankings in crime and education, Escanaba stands out as being the only Upper Peninsula city in our top ten. However, if you’re a huge fan of living on the lake, and like the experience of living in the U.P., you can do worse than in Escanaba.
Future job growth is also expected to grow to 36% in coming years here, too. (Hugs).

4. Buena Vista

Source: Flickr user snre

Population: 6,498
Unemployment rate: 63
Median income: $33,844
Crime index: 137.7
If it seems unthinkable for the small suburb of a major crime-infested city to somehow be worse off than the large city, think again. Although Saginaw has long been associated with high crime and high unemployment, life for the nearly 7,000 residents of Buena Vista is actually worse according to our statistics.
Buena Vista ranks in the bottom half of every major category, and the city’s home values are the sixth lowest in Michigan. Couple that with crime and income ranks in the bottom eighth of all Michigan cities, and you’ll understand exactly how Buena Vista could be a worse place to live than Saginaw. #SendBuenaVistaLove

5. Lapeer

Source: Google

Population: 8,899
Unemployment rate: 19
Median income: $39,293
Crime index: 109.1
Lapeer is the birthplace of Oklahoma City bombing conspirator Terry Nichols, and it seems sadly appropriate that such one of the smallest cities on this list was able to produce one of the worst human beings on earth. The folks up here could use some kind thoughts right about now.
Although it has the highest home values of any city on this list, it still ranks in Michigan’s bottom third in crime, and it’s firmly in the state’s bottom fifth in income, education and unemployment. Further contributing to Lapeer’s ranking among the dregs of the state is the fact that it spends less money on its students that all but four cities in Michigan.

6. Highland Park

Source: Flickr user aduthie

Population: 11,971
Unemployment rate: 1
Median income: $26,361
Crime index: 165.3
Highland Park is entirely surrounded by Detroit, and it is so bad that Detroit’s government won’t even consider absorbing Highland Park into the larger city due to the fact that all of Detroit’s unflattering crime and unemployment statistics would instantly be made worse. If you live in Detroit and you’re passing through Highland Park, give a friendly wave and a smile. You need each other’s support right about now.
Highland Park ranks first in all of Michigan in unemployment, third in overall crime, second from the bottom in ideal student-teacher ratios in classrooms, and it has the fourth worst average income level in the state. In fact, the only thing saving Highland Park from ranking as the worst overall city in Michigan is the fact that it easily ranks in the state’s top third in money spent per student, making its terrible rankings in the other areas all the more baffling.

7. Greenville

Source: Wikipedia

Population: 8,465
Unemployment rate: 36
Median income: $34,156
Crime index: 124.1
Greenville may seem like a surprise entry on this list considering its natural features, Danish festival and community theater. However, having several major factories and businesses either close or skip town will take its toll on any city.
Last year, Greenville’s incomes ranked just shy of Michigan’s basement, and its crime rate is in the state’s top twenty percent. In all other major categories we considered, Greenville ranked squarely in the state’s bottom half. No matter how great your festivals are, statistics like these will land you among cities in Michigan that have some issues to address.

8. Saginaw

Source: Flickr user spiesteleviv

Population: 51,776
Unemployment rate: 5
Median income: $36,392
Crime index: 151.1
When Flint made its appearance earlier on this list, you probably suspected its Mid-Michigan partner wouldn’t be far behind. When the region was hammered years ago by the decline of U.S. manufacturing, Flint and Saginaw bore the brunt of the blow. Not much has changed since then.
Saginaw landed in the bottom in all of the areas where cities prefer to be at the top, and that includes the fifth worst unemployment rank, the eighth worst crime rank, and home values in the state’s bottom ten percent. Sadly, none of this helps the perception that Saginaw is one of Michigan’s worst cities. #SendSaginawHugs

9. Pontiac

Source: Flickr user davehogg

Population: 60,105
Unemployment rate: 2
Median income: $37,435
Crime index: 144.1
There would be a temptation to put Pontiac on this list simply because the Silverdome, with its deflated roof and gutted interior, is one of the biggest eyesores in the state. It’s hard to think of it as the sight where 93,000 fans once gathered to watch Wrestlemania III.
An eyesore that definitely landed Pontiac on this list of worst cities is the city’s unemployment rank, which was second from the bottom, incomes and home values in Michigan’s lowest 20 percent, and a crime rate in the top 20 percent. With statistics like that, we couldn’t keep Pontiac off this list even if the Silverdome’s ruins were made of actual silver.
The people of Pontiac are undoubtedly trying to pull themselves up from their bootstraps and could use a kind thought right about now.

10. Muskegon

Source: Flickr user ericrichardson

Population: 38,061
Unemployment rate: 18
Median income: $32,253
Crime index: 147.1
Any city that could produce someone like Iggy Pop would be expected to be a little on the rough side, and Muskegon doesn’t disappoint in that regard, although it does disappoint its residents.
Incomes in Muskegon rank the seventh lowest in Michigan, its crime rate and student-teacher ranks are both in the state’s bottom ten percent, and its unemployment and home values are in the bottom 20 percent. Even though Muskegon spends more money per student than almost any other city in the state, this is the one city in Michigan where you have to ask whether holding lakefront property is worth it.
So, that’s the list. Granted, Michigan is still the reigning best state in the country, and you can be proud to dwell in Michigan no matter where you live. Even if you live in Flint, things could be a lot worse; you COULD be living in Ohio.
Disclaimer: This article is an opinion based on data. It should not be taken as fact.

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