FAVORITE TEXTS (FROM TFLN)

• (651): The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
• (603): You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
• (413): I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
• (704): She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
• (920): I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers...what is happening to this summer?
• (406): I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
• (717): I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
• (770): Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
• (705): Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
• (314): sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
• (850): the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables hugging random people
• (615): This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
• (720): yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
• (512): we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless.she's the topless tequila ninja
• (248): thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
• (612): i don't care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
• (508): I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
• (908): i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
• (860): We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
• (316): I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
• (718): Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
• (704): I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
• (253): Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
• (615): Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
• (318): When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
• (530): Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
• (904): Champagne is a vitamin, right?
• (570): Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
• (705): I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
• (425): She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
• (517): found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
• (540): LETS GO REDSKINS! (276): Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
• (859): While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
• (602)Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
• (780): No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
• (281): i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
• (765): That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
• (708): Less talking, more tequila
• (773): btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
• (631): im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
• (512): Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
• (250): I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
• (616): Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
• (224): It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
• (707): My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
• (+44): It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
• (651): how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
• (651): i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
• (281): WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
• (713): Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
• (810): It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
• (203): She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
• (331): You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
• (517): She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
• (705): I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
• (978): I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
• (269): I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.